


White Lies

by Akirayuyuya



Series: White Lies [1]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Drama, Fluff, Gender Issues, M/M, Phobias, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-20
Updated: 2016-05-19
Packaged: 2018-06-09 13:08:31
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6908425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akirayuyuya/pseuds/Akirayuyuya
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pretending to be a girl is bad...<br/>Being best friends with a homophobe is worse...<br/>Being in love with your homophobic best friend is the worst...<br/>But what if that said best friend is in love with you, too? In love with his girl best friend...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue: Secret

"Those stupid fucking bastards!"

Minseok turned his head to find an overly irritated Luhan with a not so attractive scowl on his pretty face. He was furious, that much is obvious. He looked like he was ready to punch anyone who will dare try to cross him at this moment. But not Minseok. Minseok can easily walk towards him, give his forehead a sharp flick, and walk away unharmed.

"Minseok~" Luhan whined at him, the scowl and the killing intent ebbing away faster than the wind.

"Watch your language, Lu." he said in a scolding tone.

"But you can't blame me. Every. Single. Fucki--"

"Lu!" Minseok cut him off, sharper than his usual tone.

"Okay. Okay. I'm sorry. But I'm just so tired of this. Every. Single. Day. Ugh!" Luhan turned to his locker and rested his forehead on the cold metal surface. 

Luhan didn't outright say the reason for his irritation, but Minseok knew all too well. It's another trouble in the morning train. It's amazing how Luhan can literally attract a different pervert almost everyday. It was a good thing that his best friend is no pushover and is using his martial arts skill to apprehend anyone who dares to lay a hand on him. 

"Gahd! Those homos have nothing better to do!" Luhan grumbled again.

That last part shook Minseok. He can't help but feel a stab in his gut every time he's reminded of Luhan's hatred for homosexuals because of his bad experience from perverts from a young age. Young Luhan's fears turned into pure hatred once he reached his teenage years and can fend off everyone who tries to assault him. 

"It's a good thing you don't have to ride the train to get here." His best friend turned to him with a very gentle expression that quickly turned murderous with the next few words. "If they ever try anything funny on you, I swear I'll end up in prison for murder."

"Last time I checked, I'm the one with a higher belt in Taekwondo." Minseok answered after gathering his things from the locker.

"Yeah. But you can't take it out of me to worry. You're my best friend, and the prettiest girl this world has ever seen."

Yes. That's right. A girl.

"Whatever, Lu. Let's get to class."

"Wait for me!" Luhan jogged after Minseok and swung his arm around his shoulder, a cute smile tugging at his lips. The action didn't fail to make his stupid heart try to burst out of his chest.

Whatever happens. Luhan must never find out. He must never find out that his best friend is a guy that have been in love with him for the longest time. Yes. A homo. The very thing he hates. Minseok will not be able to take it. He will never be able to take it if Luhan will direct that disgusted look at him. Luhan must not find out. He can't. He won't. Minseok will make sure of that.


	2. Confession

"You're drooling."

Luhan blinked a few times before the words registered in his mind. He closed his mouth that he didn't notice was hanging open. He hesitantly tore his eyes away from the perfection he was watching and turned his head to find the owner of that voice. Sure enough, he found a pair of unique grins. They always come in pair. Can't they separate for once?

"Aren't you going to wipe your drool?" the voice added. Those upturned lips were totally designed to annoy the hell out of Luhan.

"I'm not drooling!" Luhan bite back, though he did wipe his lips with the back of his hand just in case.

"Xing-ge. Lu-ge yelled at me." The shorter male went ahead and hid behind the taller male in a mock show of fear. 

"It's okay, Chen. He's not angry, just guilty." Yixing went ahead and faced Chen who was behind him and ruffled the younger's hair. It was obvious to anyone that Chen is faking being scared at Luhan, but of course, the older twin couldn't care less. If Chen tells him he's scared, then hell can freeze over and Yixing will still believe that Chen is scared. They're such an odd pair of twins. An odd pair of twins that never fails to drive him insane.

"I. Am. Not. Guilty." he said. Luhan hoped he put in enough emphasis on every word to show Yixing his point.

"Yeah. Okay. Keep telling that to yourself when you're practically drilling holes on Minseok-noona's back." Yixing answered him without a second glance, his full attention on Chen who keeps on claiming that Luhan is scaring him. "And wipe off that scowl, Lu-ge. You're scaring Chen."

Luhan couldn't stop the eye roll as he watched Yixing try and calm down the scared Chen. Anyone can see how Chen was practically shaking from holding on a laugh, but "When Chen says he's scared, he's scared." is the only thing Yixing would believe.

"I wasn't staring. I was just... well... watching her." he tried to explain but he was obviously failing at it because Yixing just directed a look at him and raised his eyebrows.

"Okay. Fine. I was staring. I mean, look at her. She's so pretty and perfect." Luhan said dreamily as he brought his eyes back to Minseok who's now choosing from the desserts section of the cafeteria. He just loves the way her eyes will widen when she seems to be thinking about something, and right now she's thinking of what dessert to have. Even without hearing her, he can still see her pointing cutely at one of the displayed cakes.

Yixing took one of the chopsticks on the table and tapped Luhan's jaw to close it. "You might start drooling again." he said before putting the chopsticks back down.

"I wasn't drooling!" he said defensively, but still wiped his lips for good measure.

Once finished with their daily mission to bully Luhan, the twins comfortably took the seats to the opposite side of the table. Luhan really appreciates these little gestures from his friends. It might've been really hard for them to be friends with a homophobe like him, but they still stick around. They also never fail to keep in mind that the older hates close proximity from other males, and the skin contact, which was why Yixing used the chopstick to tap Luhan's jaw. Sure, they're his friends and nothing like the perverts he always encounters, but he can't stop the disgust from creeping under his skin whenever he will feel the touch of another guy. Ugh! Even just thinking about it sends shivers down his spine.

"Hey!" 

Luhan was pulled out of his trance when Minseok came to his view. She settled her tray down and sat next to Luhan, smiling so sweetly at him before pushing loose strands of hair behind her ears. Minseok isn't much about dressing up. She often just wear a sweater over a simple shirt and shorts that end below her knees, complete with rubber shoes. It wasn't girly, not at all. But it didn't matter, for Minseok's pretty eyes and short brown hair tied in a ponytail were more than enough to beat all those girls that spend most of their days staring at their own reflection and applying and reapplying their already thick make up.

He watched as Minseok removed her ponytail, letting her soft brown hair fall lightly at her nape and grazes her shoulders. She was about to tie her hair again when she gave Luhan a questioning look before tapping his jaw.

"Lu, close it before you drool."

He would've turned red as a tomato because he was caught staring and to make it worse, his jaw has the nerve to open up again. He should've been beet red right now if it wasn't for the obvious laugh Chen was trying to hold behind Yixing. The younger was bent down and was hiding his face behind the older twin but the giggles that escaped him along with his shaking shoulders helped Luhan calm his nerves. Yixing trying to keep his lips from smiling wasn't any better than Chen's giggles.

"I-- I wasn't drooling." he said defensively for the third time that day.

"I didn't say you were." Minseok told him, pushing the loose strands behind her ear. Gahd! She looks perfect at whatever she does.

"How are you so perfect?" Luhan said in an almost whisper. He didn't mean for that to run away from his mouth, but apparently it did, because Minseok stared at him wide eyed before her pretty cheeks suddenly flushed red and quickly excused herself to get some water (even though there's still a full glass sitting on her tray). Luhan was left watching her make her way back to the line of people buying their food. That beautiful blush on her face was ingrained in Luhan's mind in full detail. She's so cute when her cheeks suddenly flared up like that. She really gets embarrassed easily.

"How are you so perfect?" 

Luhan glanced in front of him and almost... almost threw a plate right at Chen's face when he saw the younger staring at him while fluttering his eyes, chin resting on his hands. He would've seriously consider throwing anything at Chen, but no he won't. He knows he'll end up dead in Yixing's hands if he do that.

"You should've told us you were going to say that so I could've taken a video." Chen told him, not tearing his eyes away from Luhan and still fully set on staring at him like a giddy school girl.

"How long before Lu-ge starts confessing out of the blue?" Yixing said, teasing.

"He's already doing it, gege." his twin brother answered.

"Remind me again why I'm friends with you guys?" Luhan said, craning his neck in search for Minseok, totally looking past the twins who has nothing better to do than to tease him.

"Because we're the only ones who can put up with you, except for Minseok-noona." Chen answered, matter of factly.

"But seriously speaking, Lu-ge. Don't you think it's about time you confess to Minseok-noona? You've been friends for what... 10 years now?" Yixing said, pointing his chopsticks at him. "You're obviously love struck and the two of you are already acting like a couple anyway."

"We-- We're not!" he tried to defend, though he can feel his face heat up at Yixing's mention of being a couple.

It was true that they've known each other for almost 10 years now. Minseok had been his first friend when they just moved here to Korea. They became close immediately and has maintained their friendship ever since. It was around the start of their junior high when Luhan realized that he saw Minseok as something more than a friend. He didn't mean to pry but he saw a boy from his class leave a letter in Minseok's locker. Anyone will be able to tell that it's a love letter. So when Minseok told him that she'll be a bit late when meeting him at the school gates so they can go home together, Luhan felt a heavy lump in his throat. He followed her and sure enough found the boy from earlier waiting for her. Luhan held his breath as the boy poured his feelings out for his best friend.

"I'm sorry, but I can't accept your feelings." Minseok said in a sad tone and bowed at the boy. The boy looked down but managed to give her a weak smile. The relief that washed over him that day was beyond anything he had felt before.

He quickly came back to their meeting place, pretending that he didn't leave that spot at all. Minseok came to his view with that beautiful smile of hers. Luhan felt a pang of jealousy as he imagined the situation if Minseok had accepted that confession. They wouldn't be able to go home together, or hang out together during their free time. He wouldn't be able to wrap his arms around her shoulders as they walk, or have phone calls at night. Basically, she would be stolen from him. No, he can't have that. Minseok is his, and his alone.

Without much thought, he took Minseok's small hand in his and laced their fingers together. That was the first time they held hands and he was glad that Minseok didn't pull away.

"Been in love for four years now. Why are you such a coward?" Chen judged him.

"I don't want to be rejected." was all Luhan can say. Sure, he felt possessive over her, but he witnessed how she turned down boys after boys after boys, there are also some girls mixed in there, and he knew he wouldn't be able to take it if she will do the same to him. And what if after he gets rejected, their 10 year friendship gets ruined because of it. Just thinking about it makes him want to crawl in a hole and never come out.

"Gege, help! He's being an idiot and I don't want to be infected~" Chen whined at his brother.

Luhan was about to complain again when the corner of his eye saw someone approach Minseok on her way back to their table. The boy looked really red, like smoke can come out of his nose and ears as he handed an envelope to Minseok and abruptly left. Minseok tucked the envelope inside her pocket and sat back down to her seat.

It was obvious, it was another love letter. How many does it make this month? Luhan felt himself shift because of the irritation.

"Lu, I think I'll be late later. You can go first, I need to take care of some stuff." Minseok told him. She never did tell Luhan all the confessions she's been getting but Luhan knew all of them. He knows because he's been keeping a close watch for her. She would always ask for a little time so she can meet with anyone who gave her a letter.

Luhan was getting tired of this. Of following Minseok and making sure that she rejects every single one of them. Damn it! She's mine! Before he can mind what he was saying, his mouth was already running away with it. "You can't. I have something important to tell you. So meet me later."

"O--Okay." was Minseok's timid reply. It was the first time Luhan ever stopped her from "taking care of stuff" and he also said that he has something to say. Luhan couldn't hide the delight that Minseok prioritized him more than the boy's confession. His possessiveness over her grew stronger because of that.

Lunch was done and over with quickly and Minseok excused herself so she can proceed to her vocal class with Chen. Meanwhile, Yixing and Luhan were left on the table because it was still another 30 minutes before their dance class. 

"So, is Lu-ge finally claiming his princess?" Yixing teased. He was smiling at Luhan with his famous dimpled smile expecting Luhan to act all flustered again, but he didn't.

"Damn right! She's mine! And I'm tired of other people trying to win her over and stealing her away from me." Luhan huffed, leaving a wide-eyed Yixing on the table. Looks like they have a show to see later.

Luhan was so damn confident when he announced to Yixing that he will indeed confess to Minseok today, but now that it was only a minute before school was over he found himself shaking in his shoes. Why the hell did he even think about confessing unprepared like this?

The bell rang and everyone poured out of the practice room. He almost didn't want to go out and face Minseok, but what if she decides to meet the other boy because Luhan failed to show up? No. He can't have that.

He hurried outside and found Minseok waiting for him. She beamed at him with her wonderful smile, but it didn't help Luhan calm his nerves at the moment. But it's already here, and he can't walk away now. Not now after telling Minseok that he has something to tell her and announcing to Yixing that he will confess.

"Can we... uhm... go somewhere private?" he asked quietly. He peeked over at Minseok and found her confused, confused and... what's that other emotion on her face? Fear? But that can't be. Why would she be afraid of him?

"Lu, I think --"

"Please, Minseok." he begged her as he gripped her small hands in his.

"Okay." 

Luhan was already regretting this. He can almost see how bothered Minseok is at whatever he's going to tell her. Her hands are cold and shaking and she's not meeting Luhan's eyes. Damn it! Is he screwing this up before he even gets to tell her?

They came back to the now empty practice room for Luhan's last class. Minseok's eyes are glued to the floor but at least she's not trying to pull her hand away from Luhan's hold. He can still hope, right?

"Minseok." Luhan took a deep breath before continuing on. "I know this may seem sudden to you, but actually I started seeing you as more than just a friend four years ago when I followed you behind the school to receive your first confession." Silence. "I've really liked you ever since we first met.You were my first friend here and just the best thing that happened to me." Silence. "I love you, Minseok. Can I be... more than just a friend for you?"

It was lame. He knows that. He was unprepared. It was taking all of him not to burst out running through the door or brushing it off as a joke. He can't do that. He will end up hurting Minseok if he do any of that, so he steeled himself in his place and said the lamest confession. He didn't want to imitate all the other confessions he had heard before so what came out of his mouth was a bunch of lame words.

When Minseok pulled her hand away from him, Luhan's heart was already breaking. He braced himself for the usual "I'm sorry, but I can't accept your feelings." like all the other rejections he had heard. But instead of words, what he heard were... sobs?

He snapped his head up to look at Minseok and sure enough she was struggling to hide her face behind her small hands. "I'm sorry, Lu... I'm so sorry..." she said in between hics and tears. "I'm so sorry..." she said one more time before sprinting out of the room, leaving Luhan feeling more miserable than ever.


	3. Confrontation

"Gege, I think he's dead."

Chen tried to poke Luhan's cheeks just to test his theory, but the older male managed to evade his touch. Although his eyes still looked blank and his face was devoid of color. His eyes were bloodshot with heavy bags underneath, his hair is a huge mess and his shirt is even inside out. The longing stare he always had is now replaced by an empty look on his face. 

"By the way, do you know where Minseok-noona is?" Chen settled himself on his usual seat, followed soon after by Yixing. They saw the shift in Luhan's eyes when he mentioned Minseok's name. Of course, they already know that Minseok is the reason for that miserable look on Luhan's face, there's no one else that can do so much damage on the older male but his best friend. Still, they need to find out from Luhan himself about what happened.

"Minseok..." Luhan said in a daze. "Oh gahd! I want to die!" he suddenly blurted out.

"Hey, Lu-ge. It's not the end of the world if she rejected you." Yixing said, though he couldn't believe that Minseok will reject Luhan. He was quite sure that the two have mutual feelings for each other. He was planning to watch the whole scene yesterday but Chen had to stay a bit longer for extra practice so he didn't get to follow the two. He was expecting to see a lovey-dovey couple today and not this miserable looking guy in front of them.

"No! It's the end of the world!" Luhan buried his face in his hands. The scene from yesterday replayed in his mind and he honestly just wanted to jump off a cliff. "She's avoiding me now! She's not replying to my texts or answering my calls. I didn't see her around the lockers at all. Now look! She's not even here for lunch." he said miserably. If he knew it will turn out this bad, he would've never considered confessing to her. To make matters worse, that was the first time he ever saw her cry. 

"Did she at least look okay, Chen?" he asked the younger. They don't have the same class, since Minseok is in the Music department while he's in the Dance department. He can only ask Chen since they share a few classes. No matter how much she's avoiding him now, his first priority will still be her.

"Actually, I don't know. She's absent today."

"What?" he asked in disbelief. At that moment, his mind raced. A dozen scenario appeared in his mind and none of them looked nice. What if she's sick? Or if she's hurt? Did she get into an accident? Or maybe... maybe... she just doesn't want to see Luhan enough to make her skip school. That did nothing to lift up his mood.

"Does she hate me that much?" Luhan mumbled.

Yixing heard that no matter how soft the older whispered the question. He knew that the two have mutual feelings for each other. No two people could've been more obvious. He knows that Minseok doesn't hate Luhan. The stares she always direct at him is nothing even close to the feeling of hate. Though there is the fact that Luhan got rejected, he has a feeling it's because of an entirely different reason than what the older is thinking.

"Did she say that, Lu-ge?" Yixing asked cautiously. He wanted nothing more than for them to be together, if they needed a little push to get things going, he might as well do it.

"Well... no."

"Then how did you get rejected?" Chen asked in that indiffirent tone of his.

Chen might've sound and looked like he doesn't care but his eyes says it all. He knows what's going on, what happened between their friends, and what kind of help they need. He also knows that his older brother is doing the same thing as him. It's a good thing that they have the same way of thinking. Taking care of a troublesome situation such as this require more than one person and that's what they're here for.

Luhan buried his face on the table and let out a miserable groan. "She just... cried. She kept on apologizing and I feel like I'm the worst person on the planet! That was the first time I've seen her cry..."

Bingo! Yixing and Chen mentally thought.

"So technically..." Chen started.

"....you're not rejected." Yixing finished.

Luhan liftted his head from the table and gave them a hopeful look before the both of them added another word.

"Yet."

"Why am I friends with you guys?" He let out another groan and hit his head on the hard surface of the table. What they said did make sense though; that Minseok didn't actually reject him. Although crying seems like a sharper slap on the face than an outright rejection. Remembering Minseok's face stained with tears and her shaking hands made him guilty all over again. Is it that wrong to confess to your best friend?

~*~

Luhan couldn't focus. Not in the morning class and neither on the first period after lunch. Their dance instructor did nothing but shake his head at him. It's very unlike Luhan to make mistakes and be occupied with something else while dancing. But this time, all he can ever think about is Minseok, her reaction, her tears, his rejection, and the unclear reason about everything. She's hurt, he knows that. But he won't be able to fully accept the situation without a proper explanation about it. Why did she cry? What did she mean about her apology? Why did she run away? Why does she---

"Stop! Stop!" their dance instructor said, cutting the music off. After a heavy sigh, he walked through his small class and approached Luhan. The look in his eyes wasn't anger but worry. He knows that Luhan had been one of the top students in his batch but at this point, he's doing nothing but ruin the entire choreography.

"Luhan, why don't you take a break for today?" he told the young male. All Luhan did was give him a blank stare before silently leaving the dance floor. 

He was about to sit down at the side when Yixing threw him a glance and spoke. "Perfect time to visit your damsel in distress." It didn't make sense to everyone in the room, but it sparked enough life in Luhan's eyes to grab his bag and dash outside. The entire class along with the instructor was left to watch the door shut behind him while Yixing finally managed a smile.

~*~

Minseok lives just a five-minute walk from the school. She lives with her seven-year older cousin who also graduated from their school and is now teaching in the Drama department. It was hard for her being away from her family since the age of seven but it's needed so she can attend the Art School. Like most of the students in the school, they can only go home to their families during the school break.

Standing in front of Minseok's house was like Luhan confessing all over again, only worse. He doesn't know what face to make, or what to say, or if Minseok will even open the door for him. Luhan kept on pacing in front of the door. He'd been trying to knock for the past 10 minutes but his fears will get the better of him and withdraws his hand before it can touch the door. He was pacing again when he heard the sound of footsteps from the inside.

The door swung open and Luhan's heart instantly sunk. Minseok's face quickly registered to his eyes, with those red puffy eyes and equally red nose, her hair in a messy ponytail. Her face had lost its glow. Her shoulders slumped in a very tired droop. The shoulders of her shirt falling loosely in its place. She looked so tired and hurt. It broke Luhan's heart to see her like that.

A second or two after she opened the door, she finally noticed Luhan standing near the side. Her eyes widen in a sort of panic, and Luhan knows he have to stop her before she run away again.

"Minseok!" he called, grabbing her by the shoulders to turn her to him.

"I'm sorry, Lu. I'm sorry." Her voice was on the verge of crying again. Luhan feels like he's the most cruel person right now, but they can't stay like this.

"You don't have to apologize. Please. Please just give me a proper rejection and we can go back to how we were. You don't need to hide away from me." he begged. He knows well enough that he can't go back to how they were because he won't be able to hold back loving her, but if that will give Minseok some comfort, he's willing to do it.

Minseok stopped struggling in Luhan's hold and whispered a soft "I can't." It was so soft, Luhan almost missed it. It's a good thing he had enough practive with her quiet voice that he managed to understand.

"Minseok, calm down. What do you mean by you can't?" he said softly. He didn't want to scare her or match her panic stricken voice. He knows they won't be able to talk about anything if they will both be scared.

"I can't reject you, Lu." She finally looked at him, her eyes full of hurt and pain. Luhan felt a stab in his chest. Is he the reason for her damp eyes?

"Why can't you?" he asked again.

"Because..." Her voice is almost like a whisper by now but Luhan can still here her clearly. He'll hear it even if he has to strain his ears to do so. "Because... I love you, Lu." 

He was frozen. He didn't know what to say. Minseok loves him. So what's the problem? Why does she look so hurt when she said that? Why?

"Then... why Minseok? Why can't you accept me?" He didn't mean it but his voice sounded sharp even to his own ears.

"Because you don't love me!"

"But I do!"

"No, you don't!"

"Stop putting words in my mouth, Minseok! I already told you yesterday that I love you!" 

Their voices raise with each exchange. Each answer loaded with feelings only the two of them know.

At that point, Minseok already broke down and Luhan loosen the grip on her shoulders. She slumped to the floor and let her tears flow. "You only think you do, Lu. But you don't. I'm hateful and you're going to hate me."

"Minseok..."

"I love you, Lu. That's the problem. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

"I can't understand any of this. Why is it a problem?" Luhan already kneeled next to her, trying to gather her in his arms but she raised a hand to stop him.

"I'm sorry I was selfish. I just wanted you to touch me like you always do. To hold your hand, and have your arms over my shoulder, and give you comfort when you need it. But I was selfish. I'm sorry, Lu."

Minseok grabbed Luhan's hands and brought them to her chest. Luhan instantly blushed at the action but Minseok looked at him with so much hurt. Her hands are cold and shaking, more so than yesterday.

"Do you understand now, Lu?"

It took him a while to process her question. Understand what? All he can understand is that he needs to get his hands off of her chest before--- Her chest? Her chest? Her---

He pulled away his hands with more force than he intended to and the hurt that crossed Minseok's face was like someone stabbed her with a knife. No. Stabbed him. Luhan abruptly stood up. The hair on his arms standing on ends. A usual reaction he experience whenever a fellow male touches him. That's right. Minseok is no girl. Minseok... Kim Minseok...


	4. Rivals

"Hyung. Could you cut my hair?" was the first thing Heechul heard from his cousin since yesterday.

~*~

He came home to muffled sobs coming from Minseok's room. Worried, he knocked on his door and asked permission to come in. After a stretch of silence, he decided to let himself in and found his younger cousin buried on his bed, his face on his pillows as he continue to hold down the tears while Heechul's in the room.

He spent a whole hour in the room with Minseok sobbing in his arms after much difficulty tearing him away from the mattress. But despite the patient waiting, Minseok didn't say a word. The room drowned in tears and unanswered curiosity, but Heechul didn't pry. If his cousin isn't ready to share what has been hurting him like this, then he will respect that.

The next morning, before going to the school for work, he came back to the younger's room to check up on him. At least Minseok managed to change out of his clothes from yesterday and his eyes aren't damp anymore, though it was rimmed with red enough for anyone to tell that he had been crying the entire night.

"Hey, Umin. Are you coming to school?"

Minseok didn't meet his eyes and just shook his head. Heechul simply went to him and gave him a hug. He has an inkling about what happened and who is the source of all of his cousin's troubles, but he's in no place to meddle with it.

~*~

Coming home to Minseok sitting on the couch while hugging his knees to his chest and suddenly asking him to cut his hair isn't the first words he was expecting from him. His eyes are damp again and he looked more drained than he was this morning. 

Heechul is the only one who knows the reason why Minseok is pretending to be a girl at school. Why he never cleared up all the misunderstanding about his gender since his first day in the Art School. Why he kept his hair at least at shoulder length. Why he wears thick clothes to hide chests that are nothing but flat. And the person why Minseok is doing all of this. He has a rough guess that the said person dropped by their house, but he won't bring it up now because Minseok looked like he's still on the verge of crying. All Heechul did was usher him to the back and got his scissors and other things he would need to cut the mask Minseok wore all these years.

~*~

Luhan almost skipped school the next day. All he wanted to do was sleep and deny to himself the reality that slapped him on the face yesterday. He didn't want to believe it. He didn't even want to remember it. But the images flooded his mind like a waterfall. Minseok's smiles. Minseok's hold on his hand. Minseok's arms around his shoulders. Minseok's tap on his chin. All the butterflies in his stomach threatening to fly out of him every time he will hear Minseok's giggles. The way his heart would feel like bursting out of his chest every time Minseok smiles. The way he holds his breath every time he hears a confession to his best friend as he prays to all the gods that Minseok will reject them. The way he accepted that he's in love with his best friend four years ago. But... Minseok is a guy.

An involuntary shudder went down to his spine along with the hair on his arms standing on ends. Memories of stupid guys, those bastards that did nothing but scan everyone for prey. Feeling up boys to their liking and just being plain disgusting.

Irritated, he grabbed his towel and showered to wash all the unwanted thoughts in his mind.

How could Minseok lie to him all these years? Ten years! For ten years, he made him believe a lie that could hurt them both so much. He was hurt. He felt betrayed for being lied to. Disgusted? It was a reflex but somehow his whole being is denying it. He's angry, though he didn't know if it's to Minseok for lying to him, or to himself for pushing his best friend to that kind of situation. He was no fool. He knows that the root of this big stupid lie is him. Minseok apologized profusely about being selfish and he was now aware of the fear that rested in his best friend all this time.

Luhan didn't know what to feel. Hurt? Betrayed? Disgusted? Angry? Dejected? Sorry? Pitiful? He was an entire set of emotions. He knows that Minseok is nothing like those bastards that had tried to take advantage of him all these years... nothing like the bastard feeling up his ass right now.

He swore he broke the man's wrist as he twisted his hand and stepped on it while mentally cursing and murdering the man who was writhing in pain before an officer prevented more damage because Luhan looked outright murderous at the moment.

Lost in thought, he walked the remaining distance to the school and was shaken out of his reverie when a pool of students crowded the entrance near the lockers. Careful not to bump into any guys, (he's not sure if he can hold back killing anyone touching him today) he tried to see the center of the commotion. He was far from seeing the source when he heard the loud chatter of the people in front.

Who is he? He looks gorgeous!

Is he a new student here?

He looks really familiar!

Oh my god! Is he Minseok-sunbae's brother or something? They look totally alike!

Maybe her twin brother?

He's just plain gorgeous!

If his hair is a bit longer he's totally Minseok-unnie!

Luhan didn't need to hear more because he finally managed to see the sight that got everyone curious.

The boy stood in front of Minseok's locker. A white shirt under a button down checkered polo that looks oddly familiar. Black ripped jeans that also looked familiar. Rubber shoes that also seem familiar. Eyes, nose, cheeks, lips and face that Luhan spent the last 10 years staring at. Everything looked so familiar and yet not. The brown hair that used to rest just above the shoulders when down or adorned in a loose ponytail at times is now cut short, even shorter than Luhan's hair.

He gulped. It was Minseok. No place for doubt about that. And the rest of the crowd was right. He's plain gorgeous. Not that Luhan didn't know that before. But the difference in Minseok's appearance both overwhelmed and pained him. It reminded him of the feeling of betrayal and anger and doubt... and a lingering feeling he didn't want to acknowledge, not for now.

Minseok saw him and Luhan saw how her--- No. his eyes rounded but immediately fell on the ground after a moment. He felt a prick in his chest as he watched the flash of emotion on Minseok's face. He remembered how he pulled his hands away from those small hands and the look of guilt on that face and the sound of sobs as he tried to escape that place as soon as possible. He wasn't ready for this. Not for Minseok and not for this reality.

Luhan walked towards him, opened his locker and left. Without a single word to the boy that stayed silent next to him. He walked away without a second glance and missed the crest-fallen face of the person he left.

By lunch time, word got around the whole school about Minseok.

Minseok is a guy! A freaking gorgeous guy! A beautiful guy that was known all these years as a girl! He's a guy! A guy!

Luhan sat on their usual spot for lunch. Before, at this time, he would've been occupied with staring at Minseok's back as she make cute gestures towards the glass wall of the desserts section. His mouth would've been hanging open and Chen would come in the picture to ---

"A fly can land on his eyes and he wouldn't notice a thing." Right on cue.

Luhan blinked a few times trying to get his mind back from its deep thought and turned his head to the source of the voice. A pair of unique grins. He couldn't remember a time when he felt so grateful to the sight of those grins. At least something was still in place.

The twins took their usual seats and watched Luhan, reading him like an open book.

Luhan was about to tell them to quit staring at him when a figure loomed next to their table, but not close enough to make Luhan uncomfortable. He looked up and found tired looking eyes that he failed to notice earlier. A pair of shoulders that droop so low he almost wanted to grab them and make them lean on him. And a forced smile that looks painful.

"Hey!" he croaked. He cleared his throat before speaking again. "Can I join the table?" He motioned to the end of the table and not on the usual seat next to Luhan.

It took everything in Luhan to tear his eyes away and pretend that he didn't hear anything. It hurts. He's not going to lie. It might take a while before he can look at Minseok and not feel betrayed. He would have to talk to him about his reasons and everything else. He didn't want for their friendship to end like this, but at the moment he doesn't want to talk. 

"I'll... I'll just sit over there." he said again before slowly making his way to an empty table.

The twins watched him go, while Luhan tried his best to look while being subtle about it.

After Minseok made himself comfortable in the seat, a boy approached him followed by another and another and another until his table was crowded just like how he was cornered this morning.

"Wh--What?" Luhan's eyebrows knit as he stared at the scene. What are those guys doing around Minseok? As he looked closely, they all look rather familiar. Seeing a few more faces and he realized that they're the same guys that showed interest in Minseok before. The same faces that confessed to her and are now flocking him.

"If you're wondering..."

Luhan brought his attention at Chen who is now watching him instead of Minseok.

"... Minseok-hyung's admirers are coming back, mostly the guys. They thought that he rejected them because she's a he. So now that they found out, most of them didn't care about his gender and thought that they still have a shot." With that, he stood up and made his way to Minseok's table to join him.

"Aren't you going with him?" Luhan asked Yixing who stayed on his seat.

"Nah. Chen and I decided this long ago that if this happens we'll stay with one of you each."

"Long ago? So does that mean--"

"We had a hunch, and we're in no place to meddle with your business." Yixing explained calmly as he eat.

Luhan couldn't bring himself to get angry at them. It's true. This is his and Minseok's problem and they're just being good friends to them. Frankly, he's thankful to the twins even if they drive him insane most of the times.

He looked again at the direction of Minseok and Chen's table. Some of them left when Chen arrived to sit with Minseok, but a lot still stayed. They were all looking at Minseok with imaginary hearts on their eyes and somehow, Luhan can feel his blood boil at the sight, not because of a bunch of homo being so open about it... but because of something else.

Meanwhile, Yixing exchanged a meaningful smile at Chen as they both watched their friends. They have a feeling this separate table setup wouldn't last that long.

After classes, Yixing and Luhan left the practice room and was on their way out. They happen to meet Chen and Minseok from the opposite direction, coming from the Music department. Unlike Yixing and Chen who immediately stuck close to each other. Luhan withdrew his gaze and left with Minseok's smile. He opened his locker and was shocked to find it full to the brim with letters. Minseok who wasn't too far away from him also drowned with envelopes coming from his own locker. Minseok looked flustered and immediately gathered everything and stuffed them in his bag, giving an apologetic bow at Luhan.

"Lu-ge. Did you bring the flash drive?" Yixing asked as he also fix his things.

"Ah! I forgot to take it!"

After stuffing all the letters in his bag, the two of them made their way back to the room to retrieve the flash drive that contains the music they'll use for the performance. Luhan unconsciously brought one of the envelopes with him and even without reading the contents, it was obvious that it was a love letter. But why? He had received a few through the years but not this many at once.

Yixing spoke next to him after noticing his expression "The fortress is down."

"What? What do you mean?" he asked confused.

"Minseok-hyung was your strongest fortress. A lot of girls were too afraid to confess to you because you have a beautiful best friend by your side. Now that the cat's out of the bag, they finally found their chance."

"And those bastards found their second chance." Luhan said, gritting his teeth as he said it.

Afterwards, they walked back to the entrance and found Chen and Minseok waiting for them. Luhan walked first, not even giving Minseok the chance to speak. Minseok's shoulders dropped lower than before and Chen approached him "You can walk with us, hyung."

"I-- I need to take care of some stuff. You can go without me." Minseok politely declined.

Luhan heard it. That excuse was far too familiar, and too obvious. He's going to meet those guys that flooded his locker with letters. They're going to confess to him again about how they don't care that he's a guy and that they still like him and that they love him and--- NO!

Before he knows it, he was grabbing the end of Minseok's sleeve even if his entire being was telling him to let go and take a step back. The hair on his arms stand on ends and he eventually let go of him.

"Don't you think you have some explaining to do to me first before having a talk with anyone else?" he said, his voice sharp. Stupid! You're the one avoiding him! A voice in his head scolded him.

"Lu!" For a while, Minseok's voice sounded alive and it sent Luhan's heart racing again.

He turned back and said, "Don't talk or meet anyone before we do our talk. We'll talk. But not now." and he left.

"So, is the cold war over?" Chen asked next to Yixing as they watch their friends separate for the day.


	5. Fears

"Steam out of his nose in 3... 2... 1..."

"Chen, don't you have anything better to do?" Luhan tore his eyes away and momentarily postponed murdering someone in his head to look at the unique pair of grins that never fails to pull him out of his daze.

"Admit it, Lu-ge. You enjoy the comments." Chen answered with a grin. 

"I think I found the reason for the steam engine in his nose." Yixing said, pointing at Minseok while a classmate from the Dance class was trying to treat him to lunch.

"It's been more than a week! It should've died down a bit but it's getting worse!" he complained and tried to pull his hair out.

"You know, Lu-ge..." Yixing started as him and his brother settle in their usual seat. The separate table setup thankfully only stayed for one day. The second day when Luhan didn't answer Minseok when he asked if he can join the table, and when the other again made way to an empty table, a bunch of students called him and told him that he can join their tables instead. That got Luhan standing up and telling Minseok to sit in their table.

"... you can't expect it to die down if Minseok-hyung doesn't meet anyone to formally reject them." Yixing finished.

"Or accept them." Chen added. The youngest of the three stared at the oldest and sure enough, cue in the glare. "I'm just stating the facts. You can't keep Minseok-hyung waiting for long."

"I know that... I know that, I just need some time to sort out my own feelings." Lu Han answered in surrender. Actually, what he had been trying to do this past week is convincing himself to see Minseok as a friend, a best friend even. But as he lied on his bed each night, telling himself that Minseok is a friend like some sort of mantra, all his stupid heart would do is beat erratically as images of Minseok flooded his mind. Lu Han still found the same attraction to his smiles, to his eyes, the gracefulness in his movements, his voice... everything that he fell in love with before.

Luhan watched as the other boy left after Minseok had determinedly refused his offer. He still loved the way Minseok will stare at the display of desserts and the way he will point at the cakes. He still loved how Minseok will comb the imaginary length of hair behind his ears. Come to think of it, he had kept his hair long all these years so it isn't a surprise that Minseok had gotten that little habit, but it looked cute in Luhan's eyes.

Minseok made his way to the table, throwing Luhan a wary look before slowly sinking on the seat around the end of the table. He had stopped sitting next to Luhan after revealing about his gender, knowing full well how his best friend hates close proximity with guys. Luhan had appreciated that greatly, at first. Now, he's just really craving the presence next to him. They had always been together, right next to each other. Now he feels so alone.

Something white was peeking from Minseok's pocket and even without asking what it is, Luhan knows that it's another letter from an admirer. They just seem to multiply each day and they bug Minseok to no end.

"Luhan, are you okay?" a soft voice asked. 

Luhan really hated it, how Minseok started calling him Luhan instead of the usual Lu. The way he would clench his hand as if stopping himself from reaching out and holding Luhan's hand as he asked that question. The way his eyes looked so guarded and wary. Luhan hated everything. But what he hates the most is the way he would flinch every time Minseok will forget that he can't touch Luhan like before. There's nothing he hates the most than his own self.

He gave a lazy smile to Minseok's direction and that was the entirety of their lunchbreak conversation.

~*~

That afternoon, as Luhan stood next to Minseok's locker waiting for him to finish up his class so they can leave together, a boy approached his position and gave him a questioning look before proceeding to his destination. As it appears, the boy's target is none other than Minseok's locker and slipping a small note inside it. It infuriates him how everyone are still trying to get Minseok for themselves but as he is right now, he has no claim over him whatsoever. 

He had finally decided that he couldn't make Minseok wait this long. A lot of people will just continue to bother him if he doesn't start rejecting or - as Chen says - starts accepting the confessions. They need to have this talk and he needs to set Minseok free. It's not right to keep Minseok to himself when he can't even take care of him. He can't keep Minseok prisoner by using his feelings and his guilt over lying to Luhan all these years. He can't do that to him anymore. He needs to end this so they can both move on and get on with their lives.

A few minutes later, he can make out Chen, Yixing and Minseok's figures from the distance. Yixing had decided to wait for them right outside their classroom while Luhan opted to wait near the lockers. Minseok looked so relax speaking with Yixing and Chen but as soon as he saw Luhan his expression suddenly became guarded and his shoulders instantly tensed. It just made Luhan's resolve stronger. He needed to free Minseok.

"Minseok. Are you free?" he asked as soon as the three were near. Minseok gave him a wary glance, eyeing his locker that was just beside where Luhan is standing. He sent an unasked favor from Luhan to move away so he can retrieve his things from the small compartment. Luhan released a sigh before moving a few steps away.

"I'm free... Do you want to talk now?" he asked, not meeting Luhan's eyes but his shoulders remained tense.

"Yeah... let's do that." Luhan smiled but even he can feel that it's strained. Everything about them had been strained and awkward and it's suffocating.

"Might these unnoticed audience ask where this long-awaited talk will take place?"

Luhan and Minseok looked to their side at the same time, only now realizing that they have totally forgotten that they have other company beside each other. Chen was giving them an amused grin while Yixing was just standing quietly behind the younger twin. 

The twins realizing that the two had forgotten that they had a question hanging between them further elaborated what the question meant.

"Minseok-hyung's cousin, Heechul-seonsaeng will be home in less than an hour. Lu-ge's place will need a train ride." Yixing laid out for them.

"You can't scream at each other, or cry or confess or whatever in a restaurant. Ah hah what are you supposed to do?" Chen grinned and put in much emphasis into his words.

Luhan and Minseok looked at each other, understanding the problem the twins have explained and they both mentally sighed. Luhan was starting to think of other options when Yixing casually handed him a set of keys.

"Ah, Chen. I think I forgot where I put our house keys. Maybe Lu-ge can help us look for them?"

"Yeah. You guys can message us if you find our house keys. We'll just be around our classmate's place. Maybe we misplaced the keys there." Chen added.

Before the both of them can thank the twins, they were already waving back at them and leaving them alone.

"Why am I friends with them again?" Luhan asked.

"Cause they're one of the nicest people around." Minseok answered casually, a normal exchange between them finally.

"Yeah. You're right." A real smile finally found its way on Luhan's face.

~*~

"You were so afraid of our male teacher back then that I couldn't tell you that I was a boy as well. A lot of people had already mistook me for a girl because of my long hair, but you looked really happy playing with me."

Luhan can remember what Minseok was talking about. It was true that he was honestly terrified of their male teacher back when they first met and almost all the boys in class was trying to be his friend. But at that time was when the heights of his fears towards perverts are at its peak and he can't really interact with the male population normally. It was his luck that he found this quiet girl smiling at him, which was Minseok.

"I wanted to tell you but you were totally avoiding the other boys. You don't want them touching you and you can't really play with the others. I was scared that you will stop playing with me too if you find out."

Thinking about it, he had been a difficult kid and Minseok was his only friend. He was so thankful to Minseok about it, but now knowing that his friend had made all these sacrifices for him made him feel more thankful than ever.

"Then I... I started liking you. And I have been so afraid of you hating me for it. I was so scared that you will stop being my friend if you find out. That you will hate me and avoid me. I was selfish. I liked that I was the only boy that you ever touched. That can stand so close to you. I liked it so much and I'm so sorry." 

Minseok's voice was starting to break and Luhan wanted to comfort him. To take his hand, to hug him and rub soothing circles onto his back but his stupid phobia is getting in the way. The only thing he can do is to comfort him with his words.

"Minseok. It's okay. If there is anyone who should apologize, it's me. I pushed you to do it."

"No! I did it because I was selfish!"

"Minseok, please listen to me." he begged. He couldn't take it that Minseok is trying to claim fault to everything when they obviously both contributed to this. "I'm thankful, that you did this to remain as my friend. I would've been alone otherwise. I can't exactly blame you now for lying because what you said is true. I might've stopped playing with you and we might not have became friends if I knew that you were a guy."

"But I liked you! As something more than a friend!' Minseok said, as if it was a grave mistake to develop feelings like this for someone and Luhan mentally flinched at the thought. Both because a guy was liking him and the thought that Minseok loves him back. It was a complicated set of emotions he can't very well sort out for now.

"I like you, too. That is if you can still remember my lame confession." Luhan said, a chuckle naturally bubbling up from inside him. 

Minseok smiled at the thought. They were talking normally. The awkwardness was disappearing and their walls are slowly crumbling. This is okay. They can be friends again. They can only be friends again.

"Thanks, Luhan."

"Stop that." Luhan cut in.

"Stop what?"

"Stop calling me Luhan. It feels like we're strangers or something." he complained. He was expecting Minseok to just smile and agree but all Minseok did was give him a soft glance as he shook his head.

"I'm sorry. Can you allow me that? I need it to remind myself that I can't fall for you anymore. I won't try to touch you, or get closer to you than more than necessary. I will keep my distance like all your other friends. I won't consider myself as someone special in your life anymore." Minseok said in that broken tone. "I will stay as your friend forever."

Luhan felt his heart break hearing that from Minseok. It felt worse than receiving a rejection. True, he had all the intention to tell Minseok that they should just be friends because what he wanted was to free Minseok from him. But now that he's hearing it directly from Minseok, it felt more like he's hurting him more.

"Are you going to fall in love with someone else?" Luhan asked, but now that he had voiced out the question, he wasn't sure if he wanted to hear the answer to that.

Minseok released a shaky breath. "...I honestly don't know. I mean I've been in love with you for the past... I don't know... seven years?"

It was Luhan's turn to release a shaky breath. He wasn't supposed to speak his mind but his own voice was betraying him. "I wanted to let you go. I wanted to tell you to find someone else, someone who can hold you and hug you and kiss you. Someone who can sit next to you. Someone who can freaking hold your hand when you need it. I wanted to tell you that but I fucking can't say it! I want you to stay in love with me! I want to be the one to be next to you when you need it! I want to be the one to hold you and hug you and kiss you! I want to be that someone Minseok..." Luhan heaved, he can feel his shoulders shaking with the outburst. "I wanted to be that someone but right now I can't! I can't even touch the tips of your fingers much less hug you or kiss you. But I can't even imagine you being in someone else's arms. I loved you for too long for that to change in just this one week. My fucking heart is ignoring the fact that you're a guy! But my fucking body is minding it so much! I can't fucking ---"

A sharp flick to his forehead halted him from his self debate over himself and he glanced up at Minseok's guilty face just in time to see him withdrawing his right hand and hiding it behind his back.

"I.. I'm sorry. I just moved out of reflex. I'm so sorry. You were cursing a lot and I'm really sorry."

Luhan's look softened and he can finally speak in a normal tone again. "I wanted you to flick my forehead whenever I will start cursing again. I want to put my arm around your shoulder again without it being awkward or hard for the both of us. I want it to be like that but I know it will take a long time before I can even touch the tips of your fingers. I can't make you stay with me for that long. It will be unfair for you. I can't make you wait that long. It will be selfish of me to do that."

"Lu."

The familiar nickname made him search Minseok's eyes and all he saw was happiness. "I have been selfish for ten years, I think it's only fair that I give you time to be selfish, too."

"What do you mean?" Luhan asked, keeping his eyes on Minseok's.

"What I mean is..." Minseok approached again and grabbed the ends of Luhan's long sleeve shirt, "I'm willing to hold your sleeves like this until you can hold my hand. I'm willing to yell at you when you start cursing until I can flick your forehead again. I will make do with words of comfort until you can hug me." Minseok smiled that wonderful smile before saying the rest of his words. "I will be satisfied with an "I love you" until you can give me a kiss."

The hair on Luhan's arms are standing on ends with the close proximity but he can take this much, for now. "I will need a lot of practice."

"And I will be here to help you." Minseok smiled wider at him and Luhan can't find it in him to regret the way their conversation went. He was just happy. "Just don't take ten years before you can touch the tips of my fingers." Minseok joked.

"I wont! I mean I want to kiss you and touch you and have sex with ---"

They both turned beet red that very instant and Luhan internally cursed. It appears to be that his mouth-to-brain filter was broken beyond repair at the moment and he just wanted to crawl in a hole and die from embarrassment.

"Can we pretend I didn't say that?"

"I'll pretend I didn't hear it."

~*~

"I won't! I mean I want to kiss you and touch you and have sex with ---"

"CHEN! For the love of god! Stop it!" Luhan screamed his lungs out at the maniacally laughing figure across him. He couldn't believe the twins left a recorder in their house. No. He should've known it but at that time, he was so stressed about his talk with Minseok to even consider why they so kindly offered their home to be the place where they talk.

Chen had been replaying that clip whenever he gets the chance and Luhan never fails to blow his fuse. Yixing being equally guilty as Chen couldn't really get mad at Luhan for going ballistic every time the particular clip is played.

"Oh come on Lu-ge! This is gold! Aren't you glad we have everything on tape? We can document your love story like this!" Chen emphasized before replaying the clip again.

"I won't! I mean I want to kiss you and touch you and have sex with ---"

"CHEN!" 

Chen had started running away from Luhan's reach while Yixing who's holding a laugh excused himself to get a glass of water even if an entire glass full is sitting on his tray.

Meanwhile, Minseok was just quietly going a bright shade of red next to Luhan and despeartely fanning at his face to maybe return the color of his face.

"Why am I friends with them again?" Luhan asked Minseok as he sank back on his seat.

"... honestly, I don't even know why I'm friends with them either."


End file.
